literature

Anxiety.

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Literature Text


Every word that they speak, glances they make toward me
The way they're eyes initiate rumors being told,
Make my head swirl, turn, spin, I'm going to burst.

They're watching me.
Talking about me.
Just leave me alone, please.

I can't stand the way they seem to judge me,
As if their ever glimpse seems to say
                                      She's ugly, annoying, shut up.
                                      Self centered, why are you here? - leave.
                 She's kidding herself. Pathetic, and knows it.


As if I'm trying to fit in to the big crowd, with voices
Whispers filling my ears, engulfing me in sounds
I don't want to hear.  Quiet, quiet, quiet, that's all I ask.

Is it so wrong of me to want to be wanted?
To feel like I'm not being judged, like no one hates me
Stop looking at me, don't look at me, I'll look away instead.

All their eyes are on me, I'm in the center now,
Surrounded, I can't escape, take me away from this feeling
                                       I won't make it out,
                                       Can't take it, not forever, not anymore.
                 Can't someone take me out of here?


I can't speak, the words get lost as they reach the tip of my tongue
Breathing doesn't always come naturally to me,
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, I've already forgotten the rhythm.

My heart beat fastens to a pace I no longer understand
Don't understand how it can take this much longer
Rocking back and forth, back and forth, the rhythm soothes me slowly.

People talking to me, their words just get scrambled as I try to take them in
My thoughts won't slow down, no matter how hard I beg them.
                                          I'm numb, don't feel your touch as you grab me
                                          Feeling as though I might very well pass out right here.
                   You just can't comprehend, my anxiety will always get the best of me.
This is what I feel on a daily basis. It doesn't matter if they're looking at me, talking to (or about) me, I still feel like they're judging me. Like everyone suddenly hates me. My fears tend to overtake me. I get anxiety attacks constantly. There's really no way to explain what's it's like to have a fear that engulfs you in itself, overtakes your life, becomes you. No, there's really no way to explain my anxiety disorder.

Might rewrite this in time.
© 2011 - 2024 Tapesofthefuture
Comments3
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darkchandelier95's avatar
     "She's ugly, annoying, shut up.
                                      Self centered, why are you here? - leave.
                 She's kidding herself. Pathetic, and knows it."

Exactly what I felt today. :(